February 24, 2019
HERE'S WHAT I'VE BEEN UP TO...
Greetings from Home.
I haven't done a newsletter in the last two weeks and so many of you have reached out to me asking where COPIE'S CHOICE is that I feel I owe you an explanation. In the last two weeks, there hasn't been a movie or a new play I've seen or a book I've read or a restaurant I've visited. That's because I've primarily been in bed for the last ten days.
If you follow me and my work, as you obviously do which is why you read this newsletter, you know that I have been very open about my battle with depression. Hell, I've even written THE WAITING PERIOD, a whole play and book about it. The demon, as I call it, is a nasty beast that I have to be eternally vigilant about not falling prey to. People often ask how I am able to stay so busy and to accomplish so many things simultaneously. It's simple. The busier I am and the faster I move, the harder it is for the demon to grab hold of me and pull me into that dark place.
He's been after me for several months as I've struggled with a number of deaths close to me and some other difficult personal challenges. Ten days ago, he finally got me.
I am in the midst of a particularly bad bout of depression. The worst in several years, to be honest. I don't have the strength to get out of bed a lot of the time. My legs are rubber bands, often unable to support me. I have no appetite. Sleep comes only with pharmaceutical aid. Concentration is such that I can't read a book and retain it. I find myself reading the same sentence over and over with little to no comprehension of what I've just seen. I've tried to keep up on the multitude of writing projects, I'm doing for stage and television, but I'm blocked. It's taken me hours to compose this brief note to you.
Somehow, I have been able to prop myself up enough to do performances of NOT A GENUINE BLACK MAN about a half dozen times the last ten days. I don't want to disappoint people, so something gives me the strength to get up, get dressed, drag my ass to the theater and put on a show. I guess I'm pulling off. They've been kind enough to give me standing ovations most nights. I smile. I sign copies of my books. I get in the car, head home and climb back into bed.
Why am I telling you this?
There are two reasons. First, as I mentioned before, folks have been asking where the newsletter is. I'm so incredibly flattered that people actually read this thing that I feel an explanation for its absence is necessary.
Second, and more importantly, Brody Stevens, a comic I never had the pleasure of meeting and whose work I enjoyed immensely, killed himself this week. His friends, family and colleagues had no idea he was in such despair. They are imploring people who are in that dark place to "Tell Someone." That's the Message I've been sharing for years now at the end of THE WAITING PERIOD. There is no shame to being afflicted with this disease. Tell somebody you're hurting before it's too late.
I'm lucky. I have an amazing support system with a great family that's forcing me to eat whether I feel like it or not, making me shower and at least TRY to move. Yesterday morning, over my vehement objections, my daughter got me out of bed and made me go to the SPCA with her to watch puppies play. It helped.
Lots of people are not so lucky. They don't have people close who are aware of their struggles enough to reach out if something seems "off." It is my hope that the 10 to 20 percent (statistically) of you who are also battling this scourge will read this and think, "Well Hell, if he can come clean, so can I."
It's my hope that they'll TELL SOMEBODY too.
It's dark right now and it's so hard to see the light, but I know that eventually it's coming. It always does. I just have to hang on. And so do you.
Now, I've got to find it in me to jump in the shower. I have a matinee to do.
Trying hard to keep the faith,
Copie
FOLLOW BRIAN:
Twitter: Twitter.com/briancopie
Facebook: facebook.com/briancopie1
BrianCopeland.com